I'm about 12 hours away from leaving for the hospital, and the fear is really starting to set in. Not just about the surgery, but about the whole becoming-a-parent thing. All day I've been breaking down over whether I can do this or not. I know there's no choice now - sink or swim. That's always been a good approach for me, so I'm sure it will be just fine.
Luckily, our friends and family have been amazing - especially the last week or so. The support and advice has been priceless. It makes me feel like I can make it through knowing I have people to turn to. This baby girl has so many people rooting for her, and that just makes my heart burst. That - above everything else, gives me some strength. From friends, to co-workers, to everyone who works in the multiple doctors' offices I've been frequenting since October...she's got great support behind her. I know with all the love coming her way, she'll thrive on it. Just as she's done so far. I still can't believe we've come from total unknown territory and doctors trying to prepare us for the worst to pretty much full term. She's a miracle already - and we're all anxious to see what her next move will be.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Nearing Baby Time
Things have been going along well. No less of a roller coaster ride, but we're still feeling optimistic.
After a couple weeks of ups and downs, we finally have a scheduled C-Section! An actual birth date. It's scary, surreal, unreal. It feels like such a long road. In October we were told we'd be lucky to make it to 30 weeks. Now we're at 37 - technically full term. I can't help but get emotional, it's like we achieved something. However, I know we're not in the clear yet.
We really won't know Baby Z's situation until she arrives. She might be close to normal, maybe coming home a couple days after us...or she may need surgery. I think they're anticipating a relatively routine procedure if anything (and I say "routine" knowing it's not really, but for these doctors who deal with a lot of complexity and volume on a daily basis, it could be viewed as routine. ish). I have to keep in mind, it could still end up in full-blown open heart surgery. So I'm hoping for the best, bracing for the worst. I don't think I'm really mentally prepared for the worst though, and it scares me.
It's so strange to know that I'm 100% having a baby in less than 36 hours. It doesn't seem real. It's like planning a vacation that you think will never actually get to. But much much bigger. In my short history, these life-changing moments are not planned, but sneak up on you without warning. I supposed this moment was still up in the air for so long, it's hard to grasp that I have a date and a time that my life will change. And there is a big element of the unknown as well - something could occur that I can't foresee. Maybe that's the most terrifying part.
After a couple weeks of ups and downs, we finally have a scheduled C-Section! An actual birth date. It's scary, surreal, unreal. It feels like such a long road. In October we were told we'd be lucky to make it to 30 weeks. Now we're at 37 - technically full term. I can't help but get emotional, it's like we achieved something. However, I know we're not in the clear yet.
We really won't know Baby Z's situation until she arrives. She might be close to normal, maybe coming home a couple days after us...or she may need surgery. I think they're anticipating a relatively routine procedure if anything (and I say "routine" knowing it's not really, but for these doctors who deal with a lot of complexity and volume on a daily basis, it could be viewed as routine. ish). I have to keep in mind, it could still end up in full-blown open heart surgery. So I'm hoping for the best, bracing for the worst. I don't think I'm really mentally prepared for the worst though, and it scares me.
It's so strange to know that I'm 100% having a baby in less than 36 hours. It doesn't seem real. It's like planning a vacation that you think will never actually get to. But much much bigger. In my short history, these life-changing moments are not planned, but sneak up on you without warning. I supposed this moment was still up in the air for so long, it's hard to grasp that I have a date and a time that my life will change. And there is a big element of the unknown as well - something could occur that I can't foresee. Maybe that's the most terrifying part.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)