The effort of Thanksgiving gave me horrible horrible cankles for about 4 days. Not just swollen feet and ankles, but post-flight-esque swelling. The last flight I took was almost 2 months ago (a long time for me given my frequent flier status this year) and my feet were swollen up like the future people in Wall-e. This is what I got over the holiday. Even with the massive "go sit" help of Mark and my mother-in-law (seriously, our kitchen would still be covered in dirty dishes if it wasn't for them. I'd have sooner moved than stand in the kitchen any longer). It was probably the length of time on my feet, compounded by our beautiful-but-unforgiving terracotta kitchen floor.
Also I was enjoying cooking up a storm so much that I lost complete track of time and should've taken more breaks. I loved doing the turkey in a cider brine, making the artichoke hearts that only I like, and having to play with last minute crust options for pumpkin pie (which I couldn't go without...pregnancy card pulled) because I waited until Wed afternoon to try to find a frozen pie crust (surprise! they're gone!). I find cooking really relaxing. I nice way to create without having to compromise. No matter how things are "normally" done - you can't argue with deliciousness. It's universal, no matter what your taste preferences. Lately I've been so drained & stressed by the time I get home I can barely heat up Trader Joe's frozen burritos. Needless to say, it was nice to strap on the apron.
I've been really trying to stay calm too. It's harder and harder as things heat up at work. My hair is falling out by the handful, and my appetite is so weak I can't even finish my frozen burrito most nights. My Aunt gave me a meditation CD that I need to give adequate attention to. I think if I can provide more than a passing nod to the practice, it will help me manage things immensely.
This week has been exceptionally tough. With my Pediatric Cardiologist appointment looming on Friday, I'm beyond stressed. At work I even had to admit to my super-sympathetic and amazing boss that I need help. I hate asking for help, usually I can just stay late and power through. But I've never had to deal with a stress like this before, and my usual "don't deal/just work harder" approach is not working. Usually I'll find peace through distraction, but this stress is on my mind all day and night. I've had more running-and-can't-go-faster and falling-elevator dreams than I care to admit. Now that work is at a pace where it should be distracting enough, it's just piling on. My eye is twitching, and my shoulders ache - sure signs of extreme tension for me.
The looming appointment has really thrown me for a loop. As of yesterday, I'm at 26 weeks. The doctors have been saying 27-28 weeks is a safe time to deliver early if we have to. I'm assuming on Friday I'll get a more firm time frame. It could be 2 weeks, it could be 6 weeks...I'm in a panic about it. I'm feeling more unprepared than I would if I normally was going through this. No shower, no baby stuff in the house, I've only read 1 chapter of the baby book I have (I've barely gotten through What to Expect When You're Expecting!!) - you could drop me in the middle of a deserted island and I'd feel more comfortable.
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