Week 25 & Thanksgiving Recap

Week 25 and Baby Z is still holding her own. Thanksgiving was a welcome distraction, although a little emotional for a variety of reasons. But I kept busy and only had to hide out to lose it once or twice. I kept getting overwhelmed at the thought that my girl may never see a holiday, may never get to cook a turkey for her family. It just gets a little upsetting, to say the least.

That, and there seems to be an overall effort to ignore the situation at hand and just focus on the possible positive outcome. Not that I mind that, but I feel like it leaves me to bear the brunt of this alone (hence the hiding away to get upset). Plus it bothers me to feel like I'm the only one still living in fear of the "other" possible outcomes. The not so happy/shiny ones. I can't help but be painfully aware that the next year - hell, the next couple of weeks - could be life changing in the worst ways. Or the best ways. Clearly I'm having a little trouble with my rose-colored glasses.

This Friday, we have another Pediatric Cardiologist appointment. I'm extremely nervous about it. I'm assuming we'll get some next steps this time, since we'll be half-way through week 26 at this meeting. All along, the PCs have been throwing week 27/28 around as the safe zone to deliver if needed. The doctor at Columbia even said "it would be GREAT if we could make it to week 30" (PS - that's the last week of Dec).  Baby has been doing well, no signs of heart failure thus far. Now I start to get nervous. When do we deliver a baby with heart defects VS waiting for her to show signs of deteriorating health and therefore deliver a sick baby? Premature birth is risky, but is it riskier than waiting it out and developing issues in the third trimester? Mostly, I'm nervous that we won't get next steps and be left in limbo. I'm not about to let that happen though.

This week won't be pretty - I'm already in a terrible mood. I'm alternating between nervous to irritated to nauseous to sorrow to sorry for myself to fear.  Luckily I have my weekly ultrasound today to see progress. I think seeing her and (hopefully) hearing she's doing OK will help carry me through to Friday.